So much beauty in life
Shining on the outside
Empty on the inside
I get lost sometimes
Blinded by the flashing lights
Distractions always in my eyes

So i'm following the sound, the sound of my heart
Beating...

[chorus]
You can take it all away
I don't need it
Underneath, i'll still be the same
You can take it all away
I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all, take it all away
I'll still be the same

Are you hiding still?
Don't you want to love yourself?
Don't you know that someone will?
Time can turn it around
Leave it all that's dribbled down
That's the only way to find it out

Are you following the sound, the sound of your heart?
Beating...

[chorus]

Coming in with nothing, leaving with the same
It's all inside
Coming in with nothing, the only thing that saves
Is here inside

[chorus]

- Take it all away by Ryan Cabrera -

so you have dumped me for someone else. i will give you my blessing and wish you all the best with your new found love.
i will let you treat me like a fool for taking all the blame.
btw i believe in karma.

I felt for sure last night
At once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Stop it...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here and now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here and now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

- 23 by Jimmy Eat World -

i dont expect much from people.
all i ask is treat me nicely and if possible, be there for me when i need company.

somehow this simple request is too much to ask for.

it is not like i wanted the sky, the moon and the star - i know it is ridiculous to ask for it. however, such a pratical yet simple request is giving me this kind of impression.

life has never been fair.
in this world, everyone is selfish as they only care about themselves.

to me, loving someone is giving the person freedom. because you love this person so you dont want to restrict what he/she wants to do. and because you love this person so you want he/she to be happy.
isn't this call love?

love is suppose to be unconditional.  

however, when you love this person, it will lead to expectation. if this person cant do whatever you expected, it will lead to disappointment.

why love just cant be simple?
why does it always get so complicated?

well, life is short and you only live once. 

i'm glad that i have experienced love.
even though now it is at the cross-road, i'm glad that i have given my all. should it come to an end, it will be well kept in my memories. and when i'm old and fragile, i will look back into this memories and smile to myself saying, "this is the person whom i once loved before."

to me, having a guy who have a car or not, is not important. what is important is this guy must love me for i am.

so having someone to tell me that i sounded like i need to have a car to drive around is really insulting me. it is telling me that this person do not know what kind of person i am.

if i really care about all these materialistic items, i wouldn't have been single for almost 3 years. there were some guys who tried to chase after me but i didnt become officially attach until i ended poly.

i was just upset that this person do not know how to appreciate me. gave me empty promises and made me wait for nothing. and, it was done onto me straight 4 times in a row during the weekends.

"i'm sorry, i didnt know my master sergeant is cooking."
"i'm sorry, my dad just told me last minute that he wanted to have lunch with me."
"i'm sorry, i cant meet you because i will be attending some activities with my dad and sister."
"i'm sorry but i have to follow my dad."

it is so convenient to say sorry.

yet this person do not know for every sorry that was mentioned felt like a spear piercing through my heart. 
it was so painful that tears cant help appearing onto my eyes.

i can totally understand that family is more important but what i do not like is the way how confident this person say. so sure that the next day wont have anything happen and we can meet up, no matter what. 
but when this person cant, so conveniently say sorry and expect me to understand and not be unreasonable.

how can i not be angry?
since a promise was being made so it had to be kept. A promise is a transaction whereby a person makes a vow or guarantee, coded from dictionary.com. so, how can i expect this person to not keep it.
i trust this person, that why it hurts so much. 

when i voiced out my opinion, the reply from this person cant help making me feel that i'm being unreasonable.

for today, i understand that his dad do not want to drive his car to the IT show but what i dont understand is this person have to follow his dad to suntec when he promised to have lunch with me.

again, a promise was not kept.

why i care so much about promises because my parents used to give me empty promises when i was young. i hate that feeling of working so hard to reach for that promise but it can be so easily turn down by a single sentence, "i dont remember telling you that."
do you know, i felt my whole world crashed especially when it's coming from a person who is so dear to you.
because i hate this feeling so i dont expect myself to do this onto others.

well, enough is enough. to think that i was being treated like a fool for 4 times, couldnt make me any dumber.
i will just blame myself for believing this person again when we hadnt settled the problem in the first place.

it is time for me to not take promises seriously anymore.

i'm upset with you for making empty promises again not because of some stupid reasons that you are thinking of. i trusted you and i didnt expect you to not keep it again.

credits to achtung baby

i have no idea why i'm feeling empty.

tell you what, i have offically dyed my hair black.

yes, you didnt hear wrongly, i have dyed it black.

=)

i look so goody-two-shoes now.

hahaha...cant imagine right.
well, face facts, i have done it.

=)